Each year someone from The Village Press came to the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa to interview the oldest living veteran. This year the editor himself came to ask the tough questions. the Face of Everyman tried to insist that he was really a non-combatant; more of an observer really. The Editor pressed him ever harder; but “E” deflected such questions about being used as a cannon ball by Napoleon’s cannoneers. He would admit, however, to trying to enlist during the Pig War of 1859; but the editor had stopped taking notes. Ultimately the paper ran a small photo with the caption: Four billion year old veteran exhibits signs of memory loss.