Olympic Rules

Olympic tryouts have begun at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. Officials questioned Benchley’s unorthodox three point push off. the Face of Everyman kept the rule book handy just for these eventualities. The venerable sage had two gold medals himself. Winning by the rules was everything.

Behind the Ears

The Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa had it’s share of “health nuts”. Seen above Festwick is performing his ritual of cleaning behind his ears. The noise he creates prevents our venerable sage the Face of Everyman from napping.


By all reports the St Paddy’s Day celebration had ended in a complete debacle. The Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa considered canceling future events and concentrating on a Mardi Gras theme. Cormac was sure that he had never felt this bad. the Face of Everyman offered up a few old Irish hangover recipes.


Mullard had sent away for a correspondence course in ventriloquism. Seen above he is demonstrating his new found skills to the Face of Everyman. Most guests at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa were too polite to point out that his lips were moving. The venerable sage sought words of encouragement rather than criticize. Ultimately Mullard asked for his money back.

Ugly Baby Contest

The annual Ugly Baby contest was getting off to a slow start at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. the Face of Everyman was offering incentives to parents whose offspring might just qualify. One Dad was lured by such hucksterism. Seen above is Jasper. First contestant in this year’s contest. He just may win.


Each day at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa fledglings were busy learning about life.  Mom had told her to be sure and scrub behind her ears.  But lil’ Antigone  just couldn’t seem to reach.  In a whisper the Face of Everyman suggested that she duck her head under water three times while facing East.  For A and her Mom it was a win-win.


Young Portmanteau cleared his throat and began his recital at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa Montetorkie school summer talent contest.  In a croaky, breathy voice he intoned:  “Well, it’s been a quiet week in Lake Woebegon where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.”  He was magnetic.  Many parents wept.  He was awarded the prestigious Montetorkie Doppleganger Trophy.