Button Hook and Collar Stay are traveling vintage haberdashers. Twice a year they call on the Face of Everyman to fill their order books with his unique requirements. This year he needed celluloid shirt collars in various neck sizes as well as heights. Suitable ties and three silver handled walking sticks. No one at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa had ever actually seen E dressed in such attire but his reminiscence of those bygone eras of sartorial style appealed to everyone.
Fernley was a born huckster. During the week he would collect items, found objects, and peddle them to guests at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. Seen above in security camera file footage F is trying to convince the Face of Everyman that the beer can pull tab he offers is from an authentic Billy Carter can of beer. The venerable sage wasn’t falling for that line of baloney and asked for a certificate of provenance. Fernley quickly switched gears and offered a rusty skate key at fire sale prices.
Edwina had been egg-less for two seasons. She learned of the Face of Everyman; a great Shaman that lived at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. The venerable sage was reputed to be of benefit to barren couples seeking parenthood. Above, seen in file footage; Everyman is employing guided imagery to assist the hopeful client achieve her dreams.
Jackdaw had been born with an extremely rare condition; best described as alternating lazy eye. The modest clinic at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa was without resources to correct this abnormality. J’s parents became resigned and were about to move to a safer location. While deep in transcendental meditation the Face of Everyman envisioned small eye-glasses with kaleidoscope lenses. Within hours he had dashed off a learned paper for presentation at the annual eye wear congress in Stockholm and contracted with B & L to fabricate a series of prototypes. The young Crow went on to become a famous sideshow trick-shot artist. Detractors insist that he has an unfair advantage.
Complaints had reached city hall that the kindly ol’ pensioner was, once again, cutting corners on service by serving dreck. But, of course, who was dispatched to sample the service at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa and to right this terrible wrong? None other than “Road Kill” McGillicutty, of the local Carrion Club. RK always got a light buzz on soggy fermented corn and sunflower seeds. The posh resort retained it’s three star ranking despite the vehement protests of the Face of Everyman.
Ozwald told the story over and over again as long as someone else was buying the drinks at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. “I was returning from a secret night time sortie and as I was about to land I spotted incoming tracers. There, off my starboard wing, was The Blue Max, camouflaged as a Northwestern Crow. Jumping gee-hosa-fat, there was nothing else to do but clear my guns and roll into a classic aerial combat mode. Last I saw, he was trailing smoke.”
The venerable sage remained mute. He had his own “war stories”.
The Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa was having the Christmas Eve dance in the Grand Ballroom. Belasko auditioned for the spot of MC and featured entertainer. He chose White Christmas as his song and played the Spoons to a recording of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies. The job was his as he closed with his famous crowd pleasing rendition of the Hokey Pokey. Even the venerable sage, despite his physical limitations, got a little rhythm going.