Scoville Scale

Joe Bob always got the hiccups when he knocked back a shot of Tequila with jalapeno flavored dried meal worms. the Face of Everyman had tried to warn him. The Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa meal worm hatchery had developed a really hot variety. It ranked near the Carolina Reaper on the Scoville Scale.

One Too Many

Aubrey knew that he had one too many Raspberry Nastoikis but he was sure that he could make it back to the roost before sundown. Seeing his state, the Face of Everyman offered to let him stay the night at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. It was the least he could do. He and Aubrey went way back.


Elrod came to the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa with an appointment with the Face of Everyman. He wanted a keen assessment of his mustache; it didn’t seem to be growing in properly. Was he combing it too much? Was he using the wrong wax? The venerable sage suggested that he avoid Red Millet and eat only from feeders containing beef suet, peanut butter and tree nuts. Return in three weeks if there is no improvement.


Slime-ball was withering under the unwavering glare of Miss Rowena. She wasn’t about to bathe with this jerk around. She would appeal to the Face of Everyman except that he never did what was expected of his managerial position. She might suggest that the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa recruit a new leader. “A new broom sweeps clean.” Mom used to say.


Dimitri of Flood Control was pleased to report to the Face of Everyman that the flood gates at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa had held and waters were receding. With that good news the venerable sage decided to take a well deserved nap.


Few birds thank the Face of Everyman for his efforts to give them a good diet. Max took the time to acknowledge an additional ration of suet hanging from the apple tree. The Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa was trying during these difficult times.


The Interns from the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa Film School had done everything right except . . . wipe off the lens. Droplets of fog created a dim image of an otherwise excellent piece of photography. the Face of Everyman was unlikely to exhibit this blunder by eager students. He saved it as “a teaching moment.”

Suet Scheme

Spotted Wilhelmina is reportedly in the Witness Protection Program.  She goes to great lengths to avoid having her picture taken.  Seen here, caught on the security camera, Wilhelmina seems unawares.  The rumor is never clear as to why she should be sequestered in the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa.  the Face of Everyman has learned from his sources that she is expected to give testimony about a phony suet pyramid scheme.


Yesterday there was a comedy of errors committed by the kindly ol’ pensioner.   Not one camera captured the rain of biblical proportions that occurred nor the reaction of any guest at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa.  So you are to be treated to a popular archival image of a guest enjoying the spa created by the William Wallace Memorial Stone.   The stone often replaces the Face of Everyman  when he is called away to serve in Her Majesty’s Secret Service.  Coincidentally both stones were carved by the same gifted, but, reclusive artist.