the Face of Everyman agreed to officiate at several sessions of couples therapy; trouble was, that the couple brought their “800 pound Gorilla” to every session. When the problem became obvious; the venerable sage suggested that the miserable couple try the therapist in the village. After all the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa wanted to maintain it’s reputation for being a place for happy song birds.
‘Bucko’ Billy
A dis-masted vessel, battered by winter storms, sought refuge at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. Much to the surprise of the Face of Everyman ‘Bucko’ Billy Gordon , Mate of the Hell Ship Merriweather, hopped ashore. He asked for a pint of rum and directions to where his Mother was roosting.
Suet
Camilla was clear in her demands for a better quality of suet. the Face of Everyman protested that he was but the middleman representing the good folks at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa and that he would address this issue with the kindly ol’ pensioner. Truth be told; Everyman was so over budget on bird seed and suet that he’d have to carry deficits clear into the third quarter.
Golf Courses
Duffer and Mulligan came from the Municipal Golf Course marsh to the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa on the pretext of looking for orange golf balls. Their hopes for a creating a tournament golf course in this magical land were dashed when the Face of Everyman assured them that two such courses already existed; one designed by Arnold Palmer and, of course, the crown jewel of the Pacific Flyway, St. Andy, designed by Old Tom Morris.
A Round of Robins
The Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa hosts a speaker’s club. Weekly, after lunch, speeches are given on a topic assigned the previous week. Today no one was prepared. Everybody wanted to tell the Face of Everyman how much the snow had prevented them from getting even one single idea down on paper. The meeting was chaotic. Robert’s Rules of Order didn’t address a Round of Robins.
Ruminants
Off season S. Claus leased the meadow adjacent to the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa to provide browse for his herds of ruminants. This winter, snow covered the lush grasses. the Face of Everyman took this in to account and waived the usual higher grazing fees imposed if the deer wandered off lease. After all, Mr. Claus kept a list of who was naughty and who was nice.
TV Spot
The Avalanche Rescue Team and Ski Patrol of the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa asked the Face of Everyman to provide someone to make a short TV spot about Winter safety. Cheeky volunteered. But, when the cameras rolled all that Cheeky could say was: “Remember boys and girls, don’t eat yellow snow.”
Treachery
the Face of Everyman felt as tho’ he were in a Shakespearean play. Treachery seemed everywhere. Alas, to sleep, perchance to dream . . . Roving bandits seemed to control the entire Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. If only Batman and Robin hadn’t retired. The venerable sage deeply regretted yard-selling the search light used to summon the dynamic duo.
On Thin Air
A rare phenomenon illustrates how cold it at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. It is so cold that the Towhee slipped on thin air. the Face of Everyman tried to calculate the odds of this event being caught on camera. The American Robin and White-crowned Sparrow are eye witnesses and think of it as a spiritual event. A sign perhaps.
Boy Scout Saves Rock
Ellison knew that he had but a few precious moments to spare if he had any hope in resuscitating the Face of Everyman. Using techniques that he had learned in Boy Scout Troop 108 of the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa he hoped to breath life back into the venerable sage. Ellison watched closely. At last there was a flickering eye lid followed by a wheeze and a cough. Once again the 4.5 billion year old artfully carved chunk of basalt had escaped the jaws of death.
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