The word on the street at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa was received with mixed emotions. Many were concerned; some relieved; when it was revealed that the kindly ‘ol pensioner and the lady of the manor had taken their cat “Tula” to the Vet. Hours passed and concerns deepened. At long last the Face of Everyman induced his being into a deep trance. Spirits from the world beyond assured him that all was well and the heavily sedated feline would be home by Wine Time. Wags thought up clever remarks like: “I bet it was really a weight loss clinic.” “Bet she was having her tail straightened.” “Perhaps a face lift?” All were pleased to see Tula home safely.
Sweat Lodge
the Face of Everyman had applied for a temporary license to operate a Sweat Lodge off of tribal lands. He had the paper work somewhere in his sea chest to verify that he was an ordained Shaman in a variety of First Nation Confederations. However, the inspector was here to examine every aspect of his permit application. With so much official scrutiny Risk Management at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa head office was unwilling to sign off. A County Commissioner’s hearing was set for late September. Undaunted, E went back to preparing for tonight’s Pyrotechnic Extravaganza.
Terpsichore
Daily new families brought their offspring to learn the basics of life. Poor little Terpsichore had trouble living up to her name. Seemingly the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa offered the ideal space to develop skills. the Face of Everyman suggested that Dad hold off on buying that new bicycle until his daughter had mastered jacks, hop scotch, the jump rope and roller skates. Mom started to feel a bit anxious about having more children; at least for now.
Pheromones
the Face of Everyman had been working late in his secret laboratory deep below the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. Because of fatigue, or perhaps inattention, he unwittingly spilled a drop of his latest experimental pheromone on his exterior. When he reappeared to his public, sheer pandemonium ensued. It took an hour before the HazMat team from the village could neutralize the powerful effects of the untested product and restore a modicum of civil obedience. Eye witness accounts varied widely.
Match Making
Match Making is always a work in progress at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. For a small honorarium the Face of Everyman brings together suitable singles interested in a long term relationship. Negotiations are not always smooth and a third party may be called upon to handle the tricky questions of the prenuptial agreement.
Car Wash
The Senior class at the Montetorkie School hoped to raise funds for their Fall trip to the nations capital to observe opening day at the Supreme Court. Thus was created the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa’s first ever car wash. Begrudgingly the Face of Everyman agreed to a light rinse and a thorough chamois wipe down. With all the horse play and lack of adult supervision he got little of either. His skin itched the rest of the morning.
Buck and Wing
Somewhere among the luncheon guests at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa a cell phone ring tone played “Yes sir, That’s my baby”. In pure Pavlovian conditioning Carlisle, broke into his old Buck & Wing Tap performance. This impromptu dance continued until the phone was silenced. the Face of Everyman recalled his own vaudeville days on the old Pacific Rim of Fire Orpheum circuit and mused that perhaps he should add a few popular ring tones to his mobile.
Schoolmarm
Elizabeth had promised herself that she’d have just one drink. A Long Island Iced Tea perhaps. Where’d be the harm? School was out for the Summer. Her student’s report cards sent home; all the textbooks returned; her next year’s teaching contract was on her desk. Here at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa the Face of Everyman had witnessed it all. The renown Montetorkie school had consumed many a promising teaching career. The continuing demand for excellence exceeded the grasp . . . In the end E settled on an open tab and a long afternoon of Cosmopolitans.
Huckster
Fernley was a born huckster. During the week he would collect items, found objects, and peddle them to guests at the Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa. Seen above in security camera file footage F is trying to convince the Face of Everyman that the beer can pull tab he offers is from an authentic Billy Carter can of beer. The venerable sage wasn’t falling for that line of baloney and asked for a certificate of provenance. Fernley quickly switched gears and offered a rusty skate key at fire sale prices.
Contest
The Foggy Bottoms Resort and Spa village newspaper was offering a prize for the best essay on What Father’s Day Means To Me. A few of the guys thought that if they brain stormed as a group they could come up with the prize winning essay. the Face of Everyman was bemused. Judging by the paucity of fledglings anywhere about; these bozos hadn’t a clue.
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